Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
