I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
