I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
