i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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