no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
