He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
