Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
