Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
