when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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