last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
