Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
