woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
