I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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