So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
