you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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