I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
