We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
