you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
