Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
