I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
