i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
my poor anus
Randomize
