I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
