Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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