Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
