I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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