When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
