Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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