he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
