I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
