I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
