I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
