We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
