mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
