Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
