You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
