I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Soap is not a condiment
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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