apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
