i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
