Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i dont even know how to be here
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
