What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
