: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
