we're chasing vodka with high fives
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
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