We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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