why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
