You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
