I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
