And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
