i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I look excited, but its just a facade.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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