I'm jealous of your bromance
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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