I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
