Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
