I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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