need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
