Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
