saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
