This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
