I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
