I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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