Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
