i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
