i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
