I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
